假期即将到来。对于我们大多数人来说，这意味着要回家与我们的亲人共度时光，这可能是一个喜悦或引起焦虑的场合，具体取决于我们的家庭。正如精神老师拉姆·达斯（Ram Dass）曾经说过的那样：“如果您认为自己开明了，那就去家人度过一个星期。”
I personally have a complicated relationship with the holidays. My mom died two weeks before Thanksgiving, and we held her funeral three days after Christmas, so this time of year always stirs up a healthy amount of grief for me. Beyond my grief, I also struggle with normal familial triggers that returning home during the holidays uniquely presents.
我妈妈总是开玩笑说我们的家人在功能障碍中放了“乐趣”。的确，无论我们多大了，无论我们认为我们已经进化了多少，我们的家人都有奇特的能力，可以带出我们内心的五岁，脾气发脾气等。在我的日常生活中，我相对凉爽且组成。但是，一旦我回到家，所有的赌注都关闭了。我姐姐的一条狡猾的评论可以立即使我流泪。我认为长期以来的伤口被发现是新鲜的结ab，很容易被捡起。
That’s the nature of family. They install our buttons, which means they know how to push them. So how can we make going home for the holidays a less stressful experience?
“Wounds that I thought were long-healed turn out to be fresh scabs that are easily picked off.”
练习同情心
提醒自己，每个人都尽力而为。与其提出责备或判断，不如将其作为练习同情心的机会。我们对他人的最严厉判断的事情通常是我们最不喜欢自己的事情。尽力了解家人的伤口是什么，因此，当他们批评或光顾时，您就不会个性化他们的攻击。他们在挣扎什么？他们在自己的生活中对什么不满意？他们的不安全感是什么？他们的触发因素是什么？如果您能为他们的内在孩子识别并拥有富有同情心的空间，那么您内心的孩子的戏剧性入口的机会会大大减少。
“提醒自己，每个人都在用拥有的工具尽力而为。”
练习正念
正念是一种当前的意识的状态，使我们能够观察自己的思想，感觉，感觉和行动，而不会被他们压倒性和消耗。正念有助于我们发展反应能力，而不是对触发情况做出反应。您可以随时随地练习正念。
New to mindfulness? Try this simple body-scan technique. Close your eyes, and observe how you’re feeling in your body in this moment. Notice any physical sensations: accelerated heart rate, a rush of heat, tingling in your hands or feet, a flutter in your chest, a knot in your belly, tension in your shoulders, sweaty palms, etc. Observe yourself with curiosity but without any judgment.
Then notice if these sensations are tied to a particular emotion. Anticipation, nervousness, excitement, fear, expectation, anxiety. Welcome all feelings without labeling them as good or bad. There is no right or wrong. We are simply practicing being the observer without analyzing or trying to fix or change anything.
开始花一些长期的,缓慢的,深腹呼吸. Feel your abdomen expanding as you inhale and your abdomen falling as you exhale. Continue breathing for a few moments, and then check back in with your body. Are the sensations still present? Has anything softened, released or shifted?
正念使我们能够客观地跟踪我们的时刻，并在任何时刻的内心找到接受与和平。
“欢迎所有的感觉，而不将它们标记为好是坏。没有对与错。”
开始冥想练习
Meditation is a more formal practice than mindfulness. Like any discipline, it’s a skill that takes consistent practice to develop. Studies have shown that meditation actually changes your brain by increasing the brain’s gray matter. Meditation has also been shown to improve concentration and attention, reduce stress, significantly alleviate anxiety, be effective in treating depression and even reduce physical pain.
当我第一次开始冥想时，我会尽可能紧紧地闭上眼睛，坚信这会以某种方式神奇地关闭我的想法。当这不可避免地失败时，我会因为在冥想中没有“好”而殴打自己，而是将其作为浪费时间写出来。我花了很长时间才意识到目标不是停止我的思想，而是成为思想波动的观察者，并培养在我的思想走得太远之前抓住自己的能力。
Never meditated before? Try this simple breath-count concentration exercise. Deeply inhale. At the bottom of your exhalation, mentally count one. Take another full inhalation. At the bottom of your next exhalation, mentally count two. Continue counting each full cycle of breath all the way up to ten. Then count backwards from 10 down to one.
When you first start, you may only count up a few numbers before your mind wanders off. The practice is to notice when your mind has drifted and bring it back to your breath count. The more you practice, the less your brain will pull you into distractions and the more concentration and clarity you will find in your daily life.
冥想有助于改善您与自己的关系，这最终将有助于改善您与他人的关系。您的家人可能仍然在餐桌上争吵，但是您的反应性和镇定和组成越少，您创造的空间就越多，可以进行和平与愉快的互动。
创建边界
When all else fails, know when to create healthy boundaries. Sometimes the healthiest and most loving thing we can do for ourselves is not to go home at all. That might sound extreme at first, but if you know that home is a toxic or unsafe environment, have no guilt for choosing to create a relaxing sanctuary for yourself elsewhere during the holidays. As George Burns once said: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
